Moving targets

Getting out the door with three kids in tow, dressed in weather-appropriate clothing, holding lunches or snacks and water bottles, wearing backpacks filled with completed homework — and doing it on time and without argument — is a challenge.

That sentence is also an understatement.

I recently read a study circulating parenting circles on social media that before the end of a school year, parents will have asked their kids to “hurry up” almost 540 times while getting ready for school.The same study showed that the average parent puts in an additional 10 hours and 15 minutes of work, all at home before leaving for an actual job, each week.

Granted, the study was put out by the manufacturer of a less-than-stellar breakfast bar that I wouldn’t count on holding either my kids or I over for very long. I’m not sure I’ve hit 540 “hurry ups” yet, but I am pretty sure I hit that many “put your shoes on” in one morning alone.

It’s tempting to believe that there has to be an easier way. There are so many books and podcasts and perfectly curated Instagram accounts full of smiling children wearing only beige, offering magical cures for routine stressors of all kinds. But in my experience, the only constant in parenting is change. Once you settle into a routine that works, one that feels comfortable and one on which all parties agree, surprise! Someone’s needs change. Expectations must be adjusted to ability, cognition and emotional capacity, and must be done so for each individual child. One child at 4 years old might be able to tie his shoes, but another might not even be able to find them. And those two kids might trade abilities the next day.

Parenting is a moving target.

Here’s what I know about all people, children included: When we feel seen, we are more likely to comply, more likely to go with the flow and to help each other out. So by the time I’ve uttered my 541st, “put your shoes on,” my time would have been better spent bending down, tying my child’s shoes, looking him in the eye and saying, “Hey, let’s do this together today.”

And more importantly than getting out of the door on time, truly seeing my children changes my attitude, reminding me of the beauty of being a parent.

Or maybe I just need to get up 15 minutes earlier every day.

 

About Carrie Haderlie
Carrie Haderlie is a Wyoming native and freelance writer who has called the northeastern, southern and central parts of the state home. She is married with three children.

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