By Adam Bunker
For The Sheridan Press

“Dad? Are babies homewreckers?”

And just like that, I’d started my morning commute.

See, the thing about parenting advice is that it never really prepares you for the subjects your kids ask about. And it definitely doesn't get you ready for the timing they choose. You can try all the advice columns, books and podcasts you can think of, and I guarantee you'll mainly walk away with a false sense of security.

Believe me, I tried out all that advice. Kid asks a body positivity question after a long day of school? I got this. Kid has to confront a bully? Boom, I'm on it. Kid wonders about the differences between boys and girls? You gon' learn today, child.

Of course, all those things are important...but that's the problem. You read advice on how to address the big topics and then forget the random lessons your kid will ask about. Or the fact they'll ask them way before your morning coffee has kicked in. While you're trying to merge into oncoming traffic.

Back to the question at hand: "Are babies homewreckers?"

My first reaction was "oh yeah…at least, sometimes," but I caught myself. At the time, my kid was only about 7, so I felt this answer needed careful consideration. After all, an important parenting skill is learning how to give a kid real, age-appropriate answers without getting into the real answers.

So, let's see...where did this question come from? Probably some other kid on the playground had a less-than-ideal home life and overheard comments from his or her parents. Hmmm. Great. So not only did I have to consider what to teach my kid, but I also have to worry about the playground shade it could throw.

Don't get me wrong, if it was me on the playground and I had to throw down with a first-grader I’d lay even odds on myself. But my kid would be the one sharing this info by proxy, and meeting with the principal is always awkward. I wanted to at least try and steer away from stirring the pot.

Of course, all this was churning through my head while that question hung in the air like a game of "Who Farted." You could practically cut the tension with a Play Doh knife. Here's something the advice columns don't cover: When in doubt, stall for time.

"Well, buddy...uh...where did you hear that?" Nailed it.

"Oh, it was in 'Lady and the Tramp.'"

Ok, I admit it had been quite a while since I'd seen that particular movie. Yet I suddenly remembered every horror story I'd ever heard about secret messages in Disney movies.

"Lady and the Tramp...like, the dog movie?"

"Yeah. Tramp says babies are homewreckers because it's not good for the dogs."

"So...let me get this straight. Tramp says babies are homewreckers because they take all the attention away from dogs?"

"Uh huh."

I thought long and hard about all the context that goes with the phrase "homewrecker." I thought about how deep this conversation could get on the 10-minute drive to school. I thought about the follow-up conversations I might need to have with my wife, teachers or other parents. I really did. So believe me when I say that my answer was very, very carefully considered.

"...yes. Yes, babies are homewreckers."

Hey, I told you my coffee hadn’t kicked in. Sometimes being a parent means you punt. Though come to think of it, I never actually circled back to clarify the whole homewrecker thing. Which probably explains some things that played out years later when we told the kiddo we were having another baby. Huh. Well that’s a story for a different day. Like I always say: hindsight is 20/40.

About Adam Bunker

Adam lives in Sheridan, Wyoming, with his kids and wife, who is probably the most patient spouse in the world. The best parts of his day involve teaching impractical skills to a junior high student and getting smacked around by a toddler. He writes "A Good Day to Dad" bimonthly for The Sheridan Press, exclusively featured here on My Bighorns.

About The Sheridan Press
The Sheridan Press has served Sheridan County, Wyoming, since 1887. The award-winning independent newspaper offers print and online news delivery platforms to the thriving community, which boasts a college; a lively arts, culture, and music scene; a bustling downtown; and many other amenities, including unlimited outdoor recreational opportunities. To subscribe to The Sheridan Press, click here.