Parenting can be scary. Things that once seemed perfectly innocuous are now fraught with danger. Now, when you finally fall into bed after a long day of endlessly fulfilling someone else's needs, you wonder, “Will my newborn be able to breathe if I fall asleep?” Now, when you get out of the car at the grocery store, you no longer just walk to the door — instead, you tell all three of your kids to stand perfectly still until you can dodge the moving cars as a unit.

And the real risk: The more often you model fear for your child, the more you’re teaching them to approach the world afraid. 

Parenting anxiety is common, and while it may get better over time, new issues are bound to come up. When my children were very young, I’d worry, “Is my child meeting developmental milestones?” As they entered school, I worried that they would be able to make friends, fit in, succeed in the classroom.

But my worry never actually prevented another child from making an unkind comment, or prevented a tumble that turned into stitches.

As news about COVID-19, also known as coronavirus, circulates and cases increase in the United States, it’s easy to become overwhelmed. Will my child be infected? Will I be infected and be unable to care for my child? Will U.S. schools start closing down, and if our local schools close, who will help me care for my children? 

It’s easy to all the sudden feel like my mind is racing with unanswered questions, but there is a truth I have to re-learn time and time again. Asking these questions over and over has no impact on the outcome. It only takes from my precious energy, energy I could be devoting to connecting with my loved ones.

To cope with the never-ending risk that comes along with parenting, experts say that acceptance is key. For me, this means accepting when I am fearful. Knowing that I am not alone, and that it is ok — normal, even — to be concerned about my child’s future is helpful.

I try to learn the real risk and base my conclusions in fact. For the general American public, who are unlikely to be exposed to the virus at this time, the immediate health risk from COVID-19 is considered low, according to the CDC. Some sources have maintained that children are as yet identified as a low-risk population for the virus, because they carry a natural immunity from other colds common in childhood. 

Once armed with facts, my goal is to confront my fears with reasonable action. I’ve settled into a phase of motherhood where I want to be aware of the dangers around us, am willing to prepare for them but will not take on the responsibility for any outcome over which I have no control. We will have extra children’s Tylenol, water, canned goods and cleaning items on hand in the event of an emergency—which, in Wyoming, could be a large snowstorm in May—but we will not spend every waking moment planning for the worst case scenario when I know I can’t control a virus any easier than I can control another child or a moving car in a parking lot.

When rational thought does not work to alleviate my fears, the only place to turn is acceptance, mindfulness and intentionality. I try to calm my mind with a few deep breaths, listening to the sound of my children laughing and playing around me. Often, I think that this is all I have: this perfect moment, and nothing more is guaranteed.

And so my goal is to live that moment without fear. 

About Carrie Haderlie
Carrie Haderlie is a Wyoming native and freelance writer who has called the northeastern, southern and central parts of the state home. She is married with three children.

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