Few things hold more power than teaching another human being a new language. I’ll never forget the freedom I felt in seventh grade when my friends and I got our hands on a Spanish-English dictionary. What power! We could suddenly say all kinds of terrible things to each other in broken Spanish — and best of all, our teachers wouldn't know any better!

Or so we thought. Our amazing plan to use a secret language had just one teeny, tiny flaw: We lived in New Mexico. In all our wisdom we picked a secret language spoken by half the population.

But I digress.

Teaching children language can be both incredibly frustrating and incredibly rewarding. Like trying to teach numbers to a toddler.

•••

Me: “Can you say ‘one’”?

Toddler: “cow?”

M: “One.”

T: “Cow!”

M: “You can do it, say ONE.”

T: COW!!!

M: OK, good try. I’m getting a beer.

T: *in the most adorable little toddler voice you’ve ever heard* beer?

M: ...oh god, please don’t tell your mother that.

And of course that also means that now any drink in an aluminum can is "beer.” Which is really great when you have guests over (back in the days when we could have guests), and your toddler starts asking for a drink of their beer.

•••

Of course, as a parent you can’t always be there for every moment. One time my wife had taken the toddler off to get ready for bed. I heard laughing and then she called me in.

“Have you been teaching the toddler new words?”

Now, I'm not an overly smart man, but I know a trap when I see one.

"...maybe?"

So my wife tells the toddler to show me what she was laughing at.

And you know what? That adorably cute little snitch grabbed his chest with both hands and yelled "BA-boos!" We had a pretty good laugh about it until he started grabbing other people's ba-boos. Then we had to look up the sign for “consent.”

•••

Even before kids can speak, it's amazing how early they'll pick up sign language. We started signing very early on with some of the basics: "please,” "thank you,” "I love you.” You know, nice wholesome language that a toddler can use other than "beer.”

I'll tell you right now, nothing compares with that feeling the first time your kid says "I love you" on their own. I still remember it like it was yesterday.

We'd been working pretty hard at teaching him the sign, and he could do it pretty well if we asked him to show us "I love you.” He still hadn't really said it on his own without prompting, though.

Well one Friday night we decided to order in some pizza. This would also be the first time he'd ever tried it, so we weren't quite sure what he would think. We held our slices in anticipation while the toddler picked up a bite and crammed it into his mouth on the third try. The moment of truth was upon us. His angelic little face lit up like a tree at Christmas and suddenly he couldn't eat fast enough. I'm pretty sure he ate like three pieces all on his own, which was probably one-third of his body weight.

We finally cut him off despite his urgent signs for "more.” But then that beautiful breakthrough moment happened. As we cleaned up, he saw the empty pizza box on the counter. He thought of this amazing food that us, his loving parents, had just brought into his life. And then, without any prompting from us, he started furiously signing "I love you" at the pizza box.

If there was ever any doubt that we'd brought home the wrong baby from the hospital, this was a sure sign he was truly ours. And even though we apparently weren't worthy of "I love you,” it was clear that we'd succeeded in teaching him. So...that's a win I guess?

Sometimes being a parent means changing your definition of victory. The kid clearly has pretty strong priorities, and I can't fault him for that.

About Adam Bunker
Adam lives in Sheridan, Wyoming, with his kids and wife, who is probably the most patient spouse in the world. The best parts of his day involve teaching impractical skills to a junior high student and getting smacked around by a toddler. He writes "A Good Day to Dad" bimonthly for The Sheridan Press, exclusively featured here on My Bighorns.

About The Sheridan Press
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