I’m guessing you’ve probably seen the documentary Monsters, INC. But in case you haven't, it's a heartwarming tale about an energy grid that runs on the screams of children. Unfortunately, even though humanity has harnessed the power of the atom, our tech hasn’t gone far enough to use the untapped energy of children.

Folks, I'm telling you right now that if we could turn screaming children children's screams into electricity, two things would happen:

1. In keeping with the old saying “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” — I'll never "work" another day for as long as I live; and,
2. The rest of you will never have electrical brown outs ever again.

Many people have tried to tell me that Monsters, INC is just a movie and screams don’t have real energy, but the evidence is hard to ignore. Think about it. 

A tiny gremlin shrieking in a restaurant can have a real, physical effect on people - dampening even the hungriest appetite. 

The right scream in a crowded airplane can make liquor bottles practically fly off the drink cart. 

And for parents, a kid's scream can give you energy like you've never felt before.

* * * 

It was a bright, sunny day and I was enjoying a nice one-on-one moment with the TV. My oldest (probably about 7 at the time) was in her room playing. Suddenly, a terrible screech echoed through the house. I rushed toward her room, my mind racing with what may have gone wrong.

Had wolves broken through her window?

Had a cave bear, so far unnoticed by us, woken from hibernation in her closet?

Whatever it was, the primal part of my brain was in total fight mode. The sound of my child screaming had given me the strength of one-and-a-half moderately out of shape men. With no hesitation, I flung open the door to her room and prepared for battle.

"DON'T WORRY, KIDDO! I’LL SAVE…"

Full stop.

My brain struggled to process the scene. In the middle of the room sat my kiddo with a Ken doll and several Barbies. The Barbies’ hodgepodge outfits looked straight out of a Mad max movie. They surrounded Ken, who was tied to a chair. It was easy to see he was tied because instead of a post-apocalyptic costume, Ken had nothing on except his own skivvies and some kind of Barbie underwear covering his face.

Me: "Soooo............is everything OK in here? I thought I heard screaming?"

7: "Oh yes, I'm just playing. Ken is a bad guy."

M: ...

7:  ...

Looking back, it’s pretty obvious there were a ton of things to unpack there. But in all honesty my mind was reeling with the sudden shift in priorities.

I had been ready to fight a wolf. I had been ready to fight a bear. I had 100% NOT been ready to step into the middle of Guantanamo Bay Barbies.

Seriously, where would I even start that discussion? 

Had we watched too many action movies with her? 

Had I not paid close enough attention to that Barbie clubhouse show she watched? 

Was Toy Story actually a documentary, meaning perhaps a sentient Ken doll was plotting an attack on our country?

Could plastic dolls truly be on the front lines of homeland security?

Had those Barbies just stopped the rise of a new Osama Ken Laden?

I took a deep breath.

Me: "Uh........carry on."

Folks, there was simply too much to process. And in my defense, without any wolves or bears to fight I really wanted to get back to watching Casino Royale. James Bond had just been captured and tied up, so the movie was getting super exciting.

To this day I still don’t know what could have influenced my kiddo to play such a weird game. The simplest answer is obviously that Toy Story was a documentary all along.

About Adam Bunker
Adam lives in Sheridan, Wyoming, with his kids and wife, who is probably the most patient spouse in the world. The best parts of his day involve teaching impractical skills to a junior high student and getting smacked around by a toddler. He writes "A Good Day to Dad" for The Sheridan Press, exclusively featured here on My Bighorns.

About The Sheridan Press
The Sheridan Press has served Sheridan County, Wyoming, since 1887. The award-winning independent newspaper offers print and online news delivery platforms to the thriving community, which boasts a college; a lively arts, culture, and music scene; a bustling downtown; and many other amenities, including unlimited outdoor recreational opportunities. To subscribe to The Sheridan Press, click here.